I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
