I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
