This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
