I wish I only lived at night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
