I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We had to coat check the pizza.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I wear drunk well.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
