Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
