Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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