I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Sorry about my life...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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