Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
