I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
