she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
