My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
