In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Randomize
