she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
