ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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