Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
