will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
