"it" just moved
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
