I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
