Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
