Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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