Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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