yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
