fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
