Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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