You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i now understand why vodka
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
