I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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