Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
