More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
