awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
