A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
