In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sext me about skeletons
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
