My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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