Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
