Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
