If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
