I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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