Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
