It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I cockslap morals
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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