This is not my ceiling
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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