Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
