she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
