Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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