He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
