47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
