She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
