My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
