I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
