my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
