I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
